Spectacular Spectacles

I don't want to blame this on aging, but my birthday is coming up (on Sunday).



I now need to wear glasses. Pretty much all the time. But I don't. I usually need them for reading, unless I am outside in bright sunlight. I need them to read Newspapers all the time, even in sunlight. And driving. And using the computer. But I still prefer to take them off when doing housework, or talking to someone, or watching TV (unless I have to read subtitles) or shopping. It's more convenient to take my son shopping with me, to read the expiration dates on the coupons.



But ...glasses? They are quite fashionable these days. And so widespread that they no longer say "men don't make passes at girls who wear glasses."



What an outdated, sexist expression!
Remember when the put thick lenses with clunky black frames on Marilyn Monroe to make her look unattractive?!! If you remember that, then you are older than me!!


I guess I could wear contacts, but then I don't have a choice whether to wear them or not. I think if I wore contacts it would be difficult to take them off, and that is something I would only want to do once per day. So, if I'm at work I'll wear my glasses. Or reading. Or driving. I keep my spare pair in the car.


So, just what is my objection to wearing glasses?



Because they make me feel older? No, many young people wear glasses.

Maybe because they make me look more studious? No, that's a good thing.

Because they hide my beautiful hazel eyes? Noooo.



What is it?!



Maybe because they continually slip down my nose? Maybe because my hair gets stuck in the hinges and they pull out some hair when I take them off? Maybe because it seems my eyes itch and I need to rub them more when I am wearing them. Does anyone else have any of these problems? I can't be the only one!

And even though the optometrist technicians all say "you'll get used to them!" It still seems like I'm walking on a moving boat when I'm walking down the stairs. And I don't really want to (get used to them)!


Just stubborn, I guess. If I do wear them all the time and get used to them , then I will be dependent on them.

Maybe if I call them spectacles, I'll like them better. Is there another word for glasses?

Vision-aids.
Bifocals.
Double monocles.
Lenses.
Opticle technological magnification apparatus.
Vision Enhancement Devices, or VEDs, for short.

I'll stick with spectacles, or maybe spectaculars. Yeah, I like that!